anxiety and behaviour problems

where do they come from ?  can they be prevented ?  

which  mistakes must  be avoided ?  


From birth, babies react  intensively to relatives, their behaviour, surroundings.  The period during which  urges to feed are  so overwhelming that no delay is possible,   feeding on demand being  the only option,  does not exceed about two months.  

From this age on, it is wise  to initiate negotiations (anticipate or delay feedings, at least a little) for  convenience,  but primarily   to stabilize the spontaneous schedule  starting to emerge and obtain a fairly stable timetable for feedings, but also  sleep.

Time structuring is essential for the safety feeling which must be built and supported.  When daily events occur regularly, they become predictable.  And an event occurring at the expected time is basically  reassuring. 

The  longing for regularity  helps explain why older children are so fond of  bedtime rituals. They want to hear the same story again and again, protesting and correcting  the adult who deviates from the original version.  

This  brings about two fundamental acquisitions : 

  • The notion that social life implies, norms, laws, offering points of references,  imposed  to all and protecting everyone.  
  • On the other hand, conflict emergence, combined to the discovery of the "no", allowing to compare one's determination to the parent's decisions and discover that they are not all powerful. But if they keep the last word - which is essential  to their role -  and don't lose their temper, they project the reassuring  image of strong and protective adults, a message responding to the child's safety need. 

Many childhood behaviour problems and anxieties result from errors made at this level. Young children need rules, which must be simple, easy to understand. They also  need parents able to enforce the rules and resist successfully in conflicts.  

When conflicts become unusually intense, they reflect the effort by the child to test the rule, but also, and perhaps even more the parents strength and sturdiness. 

Yielding to the child's insistence - or challenge - under those circumstances is failing to understand the hidden meaning of  provocative attitudes, sometimes bordering on deliquency, which aim at disclosing the limit and at forcing  parents to show their strength. 

If they commit the mistake of giving up, this surrender tends to send a devastating anxiety-provoking message, of a hazy, destructured, unpredictable world, and of weak adults, unable to provide needed protection. And this may  end up in  escalation of  less and less acceptable behaviours. 


         read also   :  




This Web Page Created with PageBreeze Free Website Builder